To all my ladies, who are yet to be married… Singleness to most of us is about fun, exploration and enjoying life to the brim. Of course in that fun, we all make some bad choices, but if one is enough quick to learn, you can move on faster and wiser than before.
Mistakes are part of growth. We are not always 100%, but that shouldn’t give you your identity. Aspire to be better, learn and move on ASAP, with greater courage and wisdom.
Still, part of growing up are the intricacies of relationships. You met a guy, you fall in love, the butterflies, the ‘muumuus’ and the sweet nothings are part of the day to day stuff. The chemistry is just too much. I know, it’s amazing to be loved and to love. It’s the closest feeling to heaven. For some, the true colours of this guy you are dating are seen from the onset while for others, it takes longer. The truth is, you can’t know the person you are dating 100%, something which not so many are told. You get to know the person more in marriage, where the right atmosphere for Agape love to blossom is found.
Back to Mr. Charming.
He is this guy that you can’t get over. His physique is to die for! He has loads of cash, he drives, is articulate, smart, witty, he is hands on, his sense of humour is just on point. I mean what more could a lil’ mama ever want! So you date him, and within a few months you have a little being growing inside of you.
You begin to imagine the life you will live. The house you will live in, the car, the insurance, don’t forget the massive shopping, the little mittens and booties she/he will wear, your baby is so lucky! You count yourself lucky. You didn’t use ‘Dr. Karim from Tanzania’ charms, no jujus, you are simply blessed! A little compromise and you get pregnant.
So you tell this guy you are pregnant and the next thing that follows is a spat on your face. “Am not responsible”, “Naaahh, I can’t be the dad”, “it’s not mine” -As if you can conceive immaculately like Mary. Or worse, he takes responsibility, but you realize you are number 101, and he has 201 children, and there are others whom he has no idea about. The figures are exaggerated, but, there are men like that.
The world is full of Bozos’. Of course for every bad seeds there are always good ones. Not all are unfaithful, not all are ‘Bozos’. ‘Boaz’ exists. These are men and husbands who are a darlings! They are simply the sweetest, adorable, hardworking, godly, loving and caring men.
They take care of their families, they are faithful to their vows and are gentlemen. Stereotyping them won’t help your attitude. God always has ‘Boaz’ exists and so does a ‘Bozo’. Notwithstanding all the red flags around, you end up making a mistake of marrying that man in hopes that he will miraculously develop the qualities you desire in a husband.
A common mistake among ladies. You end up marrying a “Bozo”, who has perfected the art of makeup and cosmetics.
You are intrigued by the ‘made up’ face he has, and you forget to look behind the mask. Every lady’s being has been infused with a God given intuitiveness. You can feel when a relationship is not right. You know the kind of man you need, but you compromise out of fear of being alone, pressure, etc. etc.
To discern a Bozo, you need to take a keen look at him, observe any red flags and pray. His perfection of the outward look is simply ingenious. He can put up a show for you, only to later realize it was all a façade. Do not rush to just settle and survive through your marriage, instead, get married to live in abundance of joy through it all, enjoying, thriving and thanking God daily for giving you a man from his throne.
Funny how things nowadays are so different.
You rush towards a Bozo, instead of Boaz rushing towards you.
You find Bozo, instead of Boaz finding you. Look at Boaz in the Bible, he was a man worth waiting for. He needs to find you, waiting for him. He was God fearing, a man of unquestionable character, he was full of integrity, meek, caring and hospitable to his workers, yet he was full of riches.
Therefore, riches shouldn’t make a man arrogant.
They say good men nowadays don’t exist. Truth be told, good men still exist. God clearly knows the heart of a human being inclines to evil, but still knows that you can make a choice to be the last man standing, and be counted as faithful. Look closely, BOZO and BOAZ may look alike but they are not ALIKE.
1. A Bozo will drain you, a Boaz will build you.
Marriage is never a sprint race. It’s a long marathon. Take an example of Tyson Gay, the USA based sprinter and our very own marathon runner, Wilson Kipchoge. If you were to pick out a man based on his physique, I can bet most ladies would pick Tyson. Why, he is lean, so chiselled, muscular and ripped. Marathon runners look weak, pale, skinny and wasted. Now, if placed in 40 kilometres race, Tyson would not make it to the end of the first kilometre. – Our marathon runner, Kipchoge, would win the race without breaking a sweat.
Why? It’s because, both are fit, but trained in different kinds of races. A sprinter needs propelling power, a marathon runner needs endurance. A sprinter only needs 7-10 seconds to finish the race, a marathon runner can be running for up to 2 hours or more. He needs to have trained his body to have endurance. That he can stand the scorching sun, he can stand the rain, and he can stand any weather variation. A sprinter is not trained for endurance. No wonder they look built. Their diet is different too. A sprinter feeds on more proteins and low carbet, while a marathon runner feeds on more carbohydrates.
With that said, I reiterate again, marriage is a marathon. You have to have the right spirit, the right attitude, the right expectation, the right training for you to succeed. Your mind should be set on finishing the race. There’s no rule book on marriage, you just learn for others, pick what is relevant, and cut your own path.
2. A Boaz will have his mind and strength towards you, a Bozo will make you change your direction and cause a premature death to God’s plan for your life.
3. A Boaz will complement you, a Bozo will compete with you. Your differences will be celebrated and those that add no value will be shed off. In Ruth 2:1, 4, the Bible describes Boaz as a man who was worthy and he believed in the Lord.
4. A Boaz will be a man of unquestionable character. He is of good reputation and he is not afraid of you finding out more about him. The Bible still says that a good name is better than silver or gold. A good name gives one favour. He has his reference point as Christ. As I said before, you cannot change a man. Only the Lord can mould him. Only the Lord can smoothen his rough edges, only the Holy Spirit can convict, and your character will direct him towards Christ.
Psalms 1 says this, “Blessed is the man who does not walk in step with the wicked, or stand in the way that sinners take, or sit in the company of mockers”. The saying goes, “show me your friends and I will tell you the kind person you are “. The people around you determine to a large extent how your character will be. Two cannot walk unless they agree.
A thief walks with a thief. Boaz was a man of integrity. He was not manipulative to Ruth, he followed the right procedures in betrothing her, and waited till the whole process is done. A Boaz is a man of integrity. He does not WALK in the counsel of the wicked. He does not STAND in the way of sinners, he does not SIT in the seat of mockers. His delight is always in Lord. A Boaz is therefore fruitful in his ways. Both in season and out of season, he continues to flourish. This is because he leans on the unending source of joy, he leans on the Lord.
5. A Bozo will believe that he can do it on his own, with no regards to authority .He is wicked and unbecoming. Nabal was such a man. Boaz went further to ask Ruth to glean in his own field, among the women, so that she would be safe. He also instructed his men not to touch Ruth. How many men in this modern society would have such standards? We hide under the term “modern trends”, “society has changed”, and we need to keep up. The gospel has been diluted to attract the younger generation and the true gospel of the cross is not preached. Society has lost its moral standards. The moral fiber is rotten to the core.
6. A Bozo will sleep with you at whichever instance if you cannot respect yourself. He will have no regards of your boundaries if you have no regards to them too. A Boaz will protect you. A Boaz will protect your purity till the right time. He is a master of his own emotions and feelings.
7. A Boaz will be a provider to his family, and support their needs, just like the way Boaz took care of Ruth, while Bozo is an irresponsible, immature man with his priorities upside down. Being a provider is not about having cars, and lots of money and a house. It’s about knowing that as a husband, you are the head of your family and under your care, they will thrive. That you can go miles to fend for your family, and you need not be told over and over again that you should provide.
8. If there is one thing I know and believe is that Abigail was an attractive woman. She was wise and beautiful. Unlucky for her, she married a Bozo by the name of Nabal. He didn’t notice her kindness, her good deeds and her industrious nature. He was sucked up in his own world of evil and wickedness. Boaz on the other hand took note of Ruth’s character, good deeds and kindness.
9. A Boaz will study you, take note of your inward beauty as much as you are beautiful on the outside. He will notice that inner beauty that doesn’t fade because the outward one does. A Boaz will keep complementing you for your good qualities, and seek to understand you. He will work to make you the happiest woman alive. He will cleave to you.
10. A Bozo will not even notice when you have saved him from a predicament. Nabal did not notice that his wife Abigail wasn’t there when she went to ask David to spare their life. A Bozo is self-centred and selfish. No wonder, immediately after God stuck him, Abigail run straight to David’s arms! A man after God’s own heart.
11. Boaz used to take care of the people around him. Am sure his workers, both men and women were happy to work for him. He was a kind man who had espoused good values and always disposed to help. A Boaz will always be helpful, and compassionate. He cannot mistreat his wife, he cannot mistreat others. A Bozo will always be critical, intolerant, corrupt, harmful, vicious, materialistic and egocentric.
12. A Bozo’s life is always dry. He has to use corrupt means to flourish.
13. A Bozo is a man whose is largely controlled by his self will. He cannot control himself. He gets really angry when things don’t go his way. It’s either his way or no way. Who does your husband to be listen to more often? Who gives him counsel? Which company does he walk with? Where do you find him mostly?
14. A Boaz can rise above any failure or disappointments that happen in this life. He is willing to adjust himself to be better.
15. A Bozo is really rigid, with an unteachable spirit. He cannot learn, he cannot be corrected. A Boaz is a humble man, meek, willing to be corrected, willing to learn.
Ladies, your Boaz exists. Develop yourself, enrich yourself, be the best you can be, pray to God for discernment, court wisdom, and our Lord, being a generous God, will fill you.
Be a Ruth, and you will be found by your Boaz.
By Mary Munene
Featuring in our June edition of Single Talk.